25.7.06

A Horny Melon


There are horny boys, and then there are horny melons. There is sometimes also a combination of the two. Loving Boyfriend brought this lovely, construction-site orange horned melon home to me Sunday evening after kindly making a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up some of the things I had forgotten from my grocery shopping list (ah, who needs a dumb list anyhow?!).

He was so cute. He rushed in, pulling the horny melon from his pocket, and presented it to me on his open palm with true bravado: Look what I brought you! I knew if you were at the grocery store and saw this fine specimen of a horny melon yourself, you wouldn't be able to pass it up! So, being the Loving Boyfriend that I am, I bought it for you! You can guess, then, why I'm going to marry this boy.

Thus, the horny melon came into my possession. Now, I do have to admit that I had seen the brightly colored melons in the produce section before, and had wondered what they were, what they might taste like, and from where they might have come. I had pondered what to do with such a melon...what dishes could it grace with its tender inner texture? Just why might it have these little protruding spines? I had even dreamed about bringing my very own horny melon home with me, to do with as I pleased in my home kitchen, away from the prying eyes of the produce manager. But still, I resisted its wiley charms. I did not bring the horny melon home with me. I couldn't justify bringing a horny melon into my house, not when there were already two presumably horny boys living there. And yet, I didn't even have to take the plunge. My man gave me the very horny melon I had been making eyes at all week long!

So what is a girl to do with her very first horny melon? Why, eat it for breakfast, of course! We cradled the little melon in some paper towels to tuck it in for the night and went to sleep. Dreams of horny melons danced in my head all night long. When it came time in the morning, we poured our coffee, fixed ourselves some toast and then, with a delightful squeal of ecstasy, split that horny melon right down the middle.

This is what the poor little melon looked like when we did:


I have to say I was a little disappointed in what the horny melon had to offer. There was far too many seeds! Not enough substance! Shall we just say, its appearance left much to be desired? Still, we went in for a taste...just a small, tender caress of the green goo...we brought it to our mouths, licked it off the ends of our fingers and discovered that it tasted a bit like...

...chicken!

Just kidding. Closer to lime jello. But we still didn't know what to do with the little horny melon. I had no stellar ideas, no idea how to create something magical out of its lime jello flesh.

So...I guess I have to ask...
...do be careful of your answer...

Just what would YOU do with a horny melon?

13 comments from you:

Cakerina said...

Horny melons will definitely be making an appearance at your bachelorette party!

michelle said...

Naughty cakerina...if you provide the horny melons at the bachelorette party, I'll provide the eligible bachelors at the wedding! Lots of love to you out there in CA my dear...

vlb5757 said...

You are just too funny. Now look up the words Horny Melon on Google and see if you are the number one person using those words. I almost died right here when you said it tasted like Chicken! Lord, don't do that to me girl! LOL!

Dawn said...

Hi Michelle, I had NO IDEA that's what they looked like inside! And the chicken comment had me going...I was like, no way! stuff DOES taste like chicken.

Maybe you could put the pulp through a sieve and use it to top a fresh fruit tart or some ice cream?

Tanna said...

Horny melon, never had one of those. Boyfriend, well that's different now isn't it.
Sounds like you'll be having a great party one way or the other.

Kitchen Queen said...

"Just what would YOU do with a horny melon?"
What would it take to make the melon happy?

Just kidding! I think I'd try to seed it and maybe make a sauce or spread. I'd probably liquor it up a bit too, because I like that kind of thing. Since you said it tastes a little like lime, maybe some lemon vodka or something like that.

Natalia said...

Hmm, I don't really know what to do with a horny melon. Maybe scoop out its guts and add 'em to a fruit salad? I just think it's great that you found lime jello that you can grow! What a great discovery. Jello from a fruit :)

cookiecrumb said...

Run the goop through a food mill to remove the seeds, chill it down, and then blend with frozen vodka for Slime Shots!

Mochene said...

To me, it tastes like cucumber jello.

What would I do with one? I can't remember what I would have done, but use some as a martini garnish perhaps, or use it in a tuna tartare, or in a nice custard, panna cotta or some such dessert.

Pyewacket said...

I had the same experience you did when I decided to pick up my first horny melon - cut it open and WHOA! That was NOT what I was expecting. Anyway, I liked the flavor, and just ate the seeds with a spoon. After all, pomegranates are all seed, too. And passionfruit. I have bought them a few times since to add to fruit salad.

Nerissa said...

I don't think I've been brave enough to get one yet although I've seen them a few times. Your post really made me giggle.

Here are some ideas from other sites.

http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/horned_melon.htm
http://whatscookingamerica.net/Q-A/KiwanoHornedMelon.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon

A french site refers to smoothies made with it.

There's a recipe for a sauce made with it to accompany beef out there .

Melissa CookingDiva said...

Ahhh Michelle, your horny melon reminds me of an experiment gone wrong, a cross between a cucumber and a pumpkin. I have seen an array of so many weir looking veggies. LOL.

A big hug!
M

michelle said...

Vickie, HA! I wish I hadn't googled that! I'm #12 - but the most interesting (and least disgusting) thing I saw was "thinking about seitan makes miso horny! You know I love to make you laugh, my dear!

Dawn, everyone has such good ideas! I was so surprised by the look of the thing, I just blanked out and didn't feel like eating it! Glad I got the response I wanted from you with the chicken comment!

Tanna, Ha ha ha! Yes, we've all had to deal with one or two of those (well, the us women, anyway!). Thanks for the laughs!

KQ, well, aren't YOU just a push-over for a horny melon! (me too!) I love the vodka idea...anything with vodka tastes good to me!

Natalia, that's true! I hadn't thought of it that way - maybe jello isn't so bad after all?

Cookiecrumb, I should have known you'd recommend some alcohol to go with it! ;) I think it's a great idea!

Mochene, thanks for visiting! I like the panna cotta idea a lot! I think cucumber jello is also a great description!

Pywacket, I'm glad you stopped by! Fruit salad is a good idea. I think I was just so surprised I didn't have a clue what to do with all those seeds and that slimy flesh - but at least it doesn't taste like it looks!

Nerissa, I like the smoothie idea a lot too - I don't know about the beef though...beef ala lime jello? Ew. Thanks for the sites! I'm glad I could bring out a giggle or two!

Melissa, There really are so many strange fruits and veggies things out there...although most of them come from the tropics!! (and oh so many wonderful things they are!!) hugs to you too!